I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
