Duck Duck Cougar?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
