I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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