Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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