He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize