I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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