A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize