does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
