I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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