...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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