ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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