u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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