Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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