All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
