Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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