walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
