my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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