Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My penis needs a shock collar
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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