just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
