I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
