You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
