Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize