Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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