My hand turned me down
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
