Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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