Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
