exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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