dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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