We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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