just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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