it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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