he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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