just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
