i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
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I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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