After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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