Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
