I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
