hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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