just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
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Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Couch. On fire.
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