Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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