Ambien. No doubt about it.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
