Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
