does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We need to get me chipped asap
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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