M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
