you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
