On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
this is an emotional support booty call
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
