I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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