know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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