You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
