You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
