I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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