Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
