Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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