yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How's work?
Spinning.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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