friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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