1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
