I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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