Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
