Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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