What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
