Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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