My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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