My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
