Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
