What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
