I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
