we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
