That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
