Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
