I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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