Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
