Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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