can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
