i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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