i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
