if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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