He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
